User:Xbony2/64 states

50 states isn't square enough. How can we have 50, an unsquare number? What would the other countries say? That we've lost our touch? After Hawaii ruined our perfectly square 49 states in late 1959, bad things started happening. John F. Kennedy was assassinated, Martin Luther King was assassinated, the Moon landing was faked, and blues and reggae music rose to popularity. Clearly, the United States needs to make some new states. But have no fear, here is how we can make 14 new states-
 * 1) Split California in half. It's too big, and it looks like a pickle. Time to slice the pickle up.
 * 2) Make the District of Columbia a state. It's tiny, but some of the people there are really whiny about it not being state, and we need to get to 64 states somehow.
 * 3) Make Puerto Rico a state. Because. Throw in the Virgin Islands too, since they're too small to be their own state (they're like 1/6 of Wyoming).
 * 4) Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, American Samoa, the Marshal Islands, Palau and the Federated States of Micronesia can all make one state. They're pretty close to Wyoming (population-wise that is, they're actually pretty far away as far as I know).
 * 5) Canada! They're very nice people, and we're a bunch of pricks, so what could go wrong? Of course, we're going to have to make it multiple states, based on its already existing provinces and territories. Starting with Ontario,
 * 6) then Quebec,
 * 7) then British Columbia, er, America Columbia,
 * 8) then Alberta,
 * 9) then Manitoba,
 * 10) then Saskatchewa,
 * 11) then Nova Scotia, combined with New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island. They're all small anyway, and we certainly can't have a state named after some non-American.
 * 12) Then Newfoundland and Labrador, rebranded as New Labrador because that's too much to say.
 * There's also the Northwest Territories, Yukon and Nunavut. They're all way north and all way cold. Sadly, they're a bit too small to qualify as a state, so we'll just merge them with Alaska. It might look too big on the map, but the population makes is still pretty small. We can always draw it smaller though, which seems to happen to Alaska a lot anyway.
 * 1) Recently, Cuba and US relationships have been improving. It only makes sense to gobble it up as a new state. We had them a for a little while, and now it's time to take them back!
 * 2) Since we're nearby, we might as well snag Haiti. And the Dominican Republic, merging it as Hispaniola. They speak different languages, but who cares? I mean, it's all one island, and they'll probably hate us equally anyway.

Now, at last, we can have a square number of states! Maybe we can finally have a square flag, and we can eat a square pizza in celebration.

This proposal isn't going to last us forever, unfortunately. Once we take over the moon, or take over Mars, or Saturn, or Mexico, we'll have to make room for 81 states. But it should do us pretty well for the time being. Please send this proposal to Obama ASAP so we can make America great square again!

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